Confessions of a Professional Lurker

 Let’s talk about lurking. No, not the “creepy guy at the bus stop” kind of lurking (ew, call the cops). I’m talking about the digital kind—lurking on forums, scrolling through Reddit threads, silently devouring Instagram stories, and becoming deeply invested in the drama of strangers who have no idea I exist. 👀 

Am I ashamed? Absolutely not. In real life, someone lurking behind a bush is giving major Criminal Minds vibes. But online? Lurk away, darling. Lurk like it's your full-time job and the WiFi bill is already paid. Because I do. 

See, I’m not the girl out here commenting on every thread or engaging in heated debates about how low rise jeans should not make a comeback. I’m more of an observe and absorb type. Forums? Meh. Online chats? Hard pass. I thrive in face-to-face convos where I can read your facial expressions and add a dramatic gasp when needed. 

But put me on Yelp or a food blog and suddenly I’m Sherlock Holmes investigating which hole-in-the-wall taco joint is worth risking my life on vacation. I don’t say much, but I read everything. I’m talking full reviews, menu pics, comments about how the waitress was “a little too chipper” (what does that even mean??), and yes—I judge quietly and with great precision. 

Does this make me a bad person? Honey, no. Just because I’m not out here typing essays in the comments section doesn’t mean I don’t bring value to the internet ecosystem. I’m still contributing—just in views and silent judgment rather than emojis and heart reacts. 

Now, if I’m feeling especially froggy (translation: had an extra shot in my marg), I might like a post or even share it. But comment? Rarely. You won’t catch me arguing with a stranger named “BreadLover89” about which ramen place is superior. Life is too short, and frankly, so is my attention span. 

Let me paint you a picture: an online forum is basically a virtual classroom. You’ve got your Chatty Kathys in the front row, waving their hands and quoting Wikipedia like it's the newest Suzanne Collins book. Then you’ve got people like me—quiet, back-row energy, doing the work, submitting A+ assignments, but not necessarily throwing my two cents into every class discussion. 

Are we hurting anyone? Nope. Are we any less valuable? Also, nope. Not everyone has to be the loudest voice in the room to be heard. Sometimes the quiet ones are just busy taking notes, sipping tea, and preparing to ace the test while Kathy is still debating Star Wars plot holes with the TA. 

So, cheers to my fellow lurkers—those who scroll in silence, snack in bed while reading comment wars, and only emerge when something is truly worth it. We may not be loud, but we see everything. 😎 

‌Radiohead. (2008). Radiohead - Creep [YouTube Video]. In YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XFkzRNyygfk